So there were several problems at hand with what I wanted my monsters to be able to do in Witness to Unity. Some of it came down to the limits of the program I chose to use, but a lot of it seems to be because I'm still pretty dumb when it comes to programming. Oops.
RPG Maker VX Ace is not very flexible about making enemies. I wanted to make my enemies smart about the targets of their skills, choosing the right target to heal conditions, apply them, or exploit elements.